Therein, however, lay hope: if it is all my own fault and my own doing, then it lies within my own power to rectify virtually all of it. I have never acted in malice or true evil – at worst, my most deplorable actions were simply functions of selfishness, laziness, or some combination thereof. Indeed, this means I can fix all of it with moral discipline and spiritual fortitude.

I have so many ideas, just as everyone does, but I'm bad at actually implementing them.

Should I start a vlog? Should I finish writing any of the novels I have begun writing? Should I just get a second job? Should I finally try to break into voice acting?

Sometimes these choices can be paralyzing.

I guess I need to just sort of pick something and run with it.

The highest of them: a high-minded Knight of Light: a man of ideals.

The lowest of them: A rutting beast of the wood; he's an animal.

The center of this is the well-grounded person: balanced and tempered.

At death's insistence The link of highest and low is completely cut.

The lower, of course is of the body itself it does not survive.

The middle, in turn is just the link between them. Its purpose is done.

Only the highest Transcends the moment of death, returning to Source.

You don't have to be a weird reclusive internet goblin who wants all your political opponents thrown in the woodchipper.

You could just..... not.

I think he'd be pleased, and this makes me happy. He may be somewhat disappointed I don't have quite as much time for gaming as I used to, but this is because I have so many cool things going on in my life. I spend much more time with a real sword in my hand than I do playing games about swinging swords. I do more real crafting and gardening than I do in games. I literally travel to far-off lands for swordfighting competitions with my hot wife waiting for me in my home I own.

He'd be pleased I learned to play the tin whistle. He'd be disappointed I don't play guitar much anymore. He'd also be disappointed I don't have many close real-life friends I hang out with in person.

He would definitely be pleased with my career and even my colorful job history.

I think I'm doing alright.

Obviously a degree of detachment is necessary. One cannot live a fulfilling life always at the whim of external circumstance. I think we have all seen this absolutely devastate someone we love. Certainly something can be said for the necessity of a certain level of detachment and for the ability to detach oneself from circumstance. I myself have found great strength and solace in stoicism and its application in many areas of my life.

However, one can still attach to good things, ride them to their heights, then detach before the downward trip. This is also a technique I use in my personal life.

But even this sidesteps the question: what is all this detachment and spiritual austerity for?

Of course Christians and Buddhists have definitive answers for this. To Christians, this serves an end-goal of joining Jesus in heaven for all eternity. In a far more similar way than most give it credit, Buddhism also has an end-goal of reuniting with the Godhead through enlightenment (though some flavors of Buddhism actually teach you can surpass the Godhead in a way many religious traditions would find deeply blasphemous). Buddhism in fact has a somewhat better explanation, too, of how one can return to enjoy earthly things once they have learned not to need them (which may be the answer in some ways, but I digress.) Many newer spirutual traditions such as Thelema also promise a sort of zero-sum reuniting with the Godhead. (To those who may be more familiar with The Elder Scrolls than religious studies, this is not unlike the concept of CHIM)

Perhaps I am just an earthly creature, confused and coping, but I have a hard time imagining this type of path. I am not a materialist or an atheist, I am certainly not a hedonist, and I see the value in discipline, asceticism, and detachment, but I struggle to comprehend a celestial life which would be more fulfulling to me than an earthly one. I do not believe the earthly is diametrically opposed to the celestial, and I believe we humans, as mortal creatures, are earthly beings created exactly as we should be. We are not fallen. Our souls (itself a nebulous concept I will elaborate on more in a different entry) contain no Original Sin.

I want to be good. I want to align with the Cosmic Order. But I am an earthly creature, and this order for me is earthly.

The Tao which can be understood is not the eternal Tao.

I wonder what this phenomena is and if I can trust it.

Paradoxes exist and are in fact required for the functioning of our psyches, societies, and even the material, physical world around us.

I have embraced ideological miscegenation in virtually all its forms. There are many views I hold today which I would have believed were firmly “right-wing” ten years ago, and many “left-wing” beliefs I still hold dearly.

We all need to embrace this, lest we get pulled off into some extreme direction.

You can believe genocide is bad and still believe sometimes violence is necessary.

You can believe in sexual freedom while also wholeheartedly believing in the family.

You can believe in strength and beauty while still believing in tolerance and largess.

You can believe in more conservative social norms in public while believing in privacy and even extreme freedoms in private!

I beg you all to get off the Weimar train of extreme partisan politics and radicalization.

I wish people would treat their loved ones as if they may lose them at any moment, because you can. Nothing is promised except for the present moment (and even that can be taken away.)

Memento mori.

It reminds me of that famous story of Kahn's from King of the Hill. Paraphrased:

There once was a man being chased my man-eating tiger. While he was running, he fell of a cliff, but grabbed ahold of a branch. He looked down and saw another tiger. He knew that no matter what, he was going to die. He saw a wild strawberry growing from the cliff. He plucked it – he ate it; it was the sweetest strawberry he ever had.

Even in this moment, in the certainty of death a small amount of beauty was to be found. Really, death is always just as present as it is in the above story. You could die literally within the hour. No time but the present moment is ever promised to us.