The Barrow

Recently, as I often do, I have been struggling somewhat with what seems to be the end-goal of most spiritual paths: re-integration in some way with the Godhead, the overarching Divinity of the Universe (Brahman, God, etc.). This seems to be the ultimate destination in most spiritualities, from Christianity to most flavors of Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, Gnosticism, etc.

Though I understand that the total number of things in the Universe is one (1) and that we only exist outside of God in the way that a softball thrown into the air exists outside of the thrower (that is, briefly 'separate' but completely dependent on this entity to whom we will eventually return) and can even in some cases accept the illusory nature of the Self (in an almost platonic sense, where the soul is tripartite, consisting of a higher self which is the “true” self, a lower self which encompasses the preferences, appetites, etc, and a middle self which links them. Upon death the lower self dissipates with the body, thus also the middle self which existed only to link the two, etc. etc.) I have a hard time wishing to be obliterated into the Godhead at some point.

Perhaps this is easy to say from my relatively comfortable, privileged current existence. I am perfectly cognizant that maybe in my next life I could exist in some abject horror and long for escape. I do feel I have accrued a great deal of karmic debt in this life and I will need to pay that off somehow. Hopefully I can pay off a good deal of it in this lifetime.

However, these types of issues consistently push me away from everything but European paganism. It makes more sense to me, and is perhaps preferable, that I as a human exist in the middle of the cosmos as something more spiritually conscious than animals, but less so than gods/devas/angels.

Either way, the best thing I can do is just to continue trying to do my best.