It's so easy to fall out of good habits and into bad ones. This is one of the most frustrating parts of human existence, and something we all struggle with.
This is yet another example of the universally corrosive force of entropy and here, just like everywhere else, we mustn't give it any quarter.
One lazy day won't ruin everything, but it is the only way to have two lazy days, which can quickly become three, and so on and so forth.
One lazy day (and remember, there is a difference between laziness and conscious rest) destroys your momentum, making it even harder to stay on whichever straight and narrow path you have chosen for yourself. Its consequences insidiously go far beyond the day in question, like a destructive shockwave, or a ripple across a lake.
I'm currently at my desk the last time I will be during the month of November 2025. There's something beautiful about the way time evanesces. There will never be another November 2025. This is it; I should take the time to feel it now.
I have struggled with validation-seeking for as long as I can remember, and yet, just recently (within the last few years) am I beginning to understand how much it has negatively impacted my life.
It has jeopardized my friendships, my relationships, my employment, all of this. Someone who is constantly seeking validation feels extremely uncomfortable to everyone else and quickly tangles themselves up in sticky situations which hurt everyone involved. Other people, consciously or not, make themselves scarce when you act like this.
I need to learn to be whole in and of myself, and not outsource my self-worth to everyone else. This would fix the problem from every possible angle. Not only would I require less validation, I would, in fact, receive more.
This ties into the universal paradox of “you receive what you act like you don't need” but that's a topic for another post.
I was reading more Seneca today (letter XVIII) and once again he was comparing these two schools of thought in a favorable light, even while calling Epicurus a “hedonist” and in the same paragraph going into detail about how he would routinely endure long periods of austerity in order to build discipline and enjoy things more as well as to prepare oneself for hardship in order to suffer less. This shared objective of suffering less (though the stoics would insist this is not the goal, but instead being able to endure suffering is; I would say this difference is semantic at best) made me realize that these two ways of thinking actually have a lot in common (though one could come to this conclusion seeing just how much Seneca quotes Epicurus...). Stoics also insist their teachings are the key to a happy life (and I would agree, frankly) but if one does not allow oneself to experience the joys in life (yes, even jubilant and excessive joys and pleasures) then what even is the point of this secure, stable spirit one is building? One may say “for others” but this could be taken one step further: for others to do what?
This morning I listened to an episode of one of favorite podcasts, The Daily Stoic, in which guest Jay Heinrichs insisted he had very little discipline; he simply manipulated himself into seeing the good part of some unpleasant reality, or into seeing it as part of his identity. This kicked off a discussion about what discipline means, and some interesting differences between stoicism and Epicureanism.
My (perhaps undereducated) take is that it is irrelevant how you make yourself do the things that need to be done. Discipline is simply the quality of making it happen any way you can. If you use self-manipulation to make it happen, this too is discipline.
I would even say that a stoic discipline also does this. When you force yourself to endure something like a cold shower, you are thinking about exercising discipline so that you may use it in other areas of your life. You're basically doing the same thing.
Today I was reading Seneca's letters and came upon this passage:
“Cling, therefore, to this sound and wholesome plan of life: indulge the body just so far as suffices for good health. It needs to be treated somewhat strictly to prevent it from being disobedient to the spirit. Your food should appease your hunger, your drink quench your thirst, your clothing keep out the cold, your house be a protection against inclement weather. It makes no difference whether it is built of turf or of variegated marble imported from another country: what you have to understand is that thatch makes a person just as good a roof as gold does. Spurn everything that is added on by way of decoration and display by unnecessary labour. Reflect that nothing merits admiration except the spirit, the impressiveness of which prevents it from being impressed by anything.”
This certainly sounds like good advice if unexamined. However, it begs the question: what place does this leave in the world for art or craftsmanship? Surely the master mason who crafts the aforementioned exotic marble edifice deserves to make a living off his work, right? How could he do so in a world full of stoics who indeed claim his mastery of his art is wholly useless?
This seems to suggest to me that moral and philosophical frameworks cannot be universal; they are chosen by the individual in order to live a life more like that which the individual desires.
This seems compatible with a pagan worldview as opposed to the unuversalist abrahamic religions which seek to impose the same moral framework on all humans.
What is permissible for Jove is not for the cattle.
I recently attended a fencing tournament and just being around people with whom I share this interest was enough to make me feel far better about the state of the world. Despite lots of absolutely ridiculous opinions I'm sure were there, the shared love of fencing was the only thing I really noticed being expressed outwardly. If I didn't make any assumptions about people's attitudes or politics, I wouldn't have ever guessed. Also, there have always been garbage opinions in any group of people.
I also had some friends over this weekend for Halloween and many of the opinions I heard expressed even among these progressive friends echoed many of my “anti-woke left” opinions from circa 2021. Maybe I'm just always 4-5 years ahead of the curve. Anecdotally, this tracks, as I was also 4-5 years ahead of the woke trend, embracing opinions and a worldview easily described as “woke” as early as 2012.
Maybe things are going to rebalance and I just need to be patient.
Sometimes I lament the freedom I have today in deciding what I believe is right. At times I even envy those who lived in more oppressive times, as this sort of decision must have been easier. Though, who knows? Maybe this has always been an agonizing internal debate for the differentiated person.
I know what my internal compass says, but this so often doesn't line up with what either of the two dominant culture-war “tribes” believe, so following this compass could very likely simply result in complete ostracization from any social group. If I only had to worry about myself, this wouldn't matter, but having a family, it can seem detrimental to their safety and comfort in a selfish way: choosing my ability to live honestly over the wellbeing of those who depend upon me. It can be a thin line to walk, as I also don't wish to participate in any endeavors or efforts which go in a direction which seems diametrically opposed to my own compass, either.
It seems the best approach is the heathen one: I think of a series of concentric circles around me and make decisions this way. If it's best for my family and the people to whom I am beholden.... It's probably best.
Or.... Is it moral to continue participating in these bonds (outside of family, of course) while holding beliefs I know they'd hate me for?
The other day, I referred to fighting sports and their restorative properties to mental health as “microdosing violence.” I think this is a very apt comparison. Our brains can fall out of calibration with regards to our anxieties and our “fight or flight” responses. Showing your brain what these states are actually for can help realign this and ease anxieties and restlessness in the rest of our lives.
When you regularly show physical aggression, your mind is clearer, your rest is more restful and you have an easier time staying present. When we lead extremely sedentary lives, our impulses don't know what to do and thus pull us in many directions, much to our detriment.
We are intended to experience physical aggression and struggle. The benefits of a fighting sport or martial art will show in every area of your life.