The Barrow

I recently attended a fencing tournament and just being around people with whom I share this interest was enough to make me feel far better about the state of the world. Despite lots of absolutely ridiculous opinions I'm sure were there, the shared love of fencing was the only thing I really noticed being expressed outwardly. If I didn't make any assumptions about people's attitudes or politics, I wouldn't have ever guessed. Also, there have always been garbage opinions in any group of people.

I also had some friends over this weekend for Halloween and many of the opinions I heard expressed even among these progressive friends echoed many of my “anti-woke left” opinions from circa 2021. Maybe I'm just always 4-5 years ahead of the curve. Anecdotally, this tracks, as I was also 4-5 years ahead of the woke trend, embracing opinions and a worldview easily described as “woke” as early as 2012.

Maybe things are going to rebalance and I just need to be patient.

Sometimes I lament the freedom I have today in deciding what I believe is right. At times I even envy those who lived in more oppressive times, as this sort of decision must have been easier. Though, who knows? Maybe this has always been an agonizing internal debate for the differentiated person.

I know what my internal compass says, but this so often doesn't line up with what either of the two dominant culture-war “tribes” believe, so following this compass could very likely simply result in complete ostracization from any social group. If I only had to worry about myself, this wouldn't matter, but having a family, it can seem detrimental to their safety and comfort in a selfish way: choosing my ability to live honestly over the wellbeing of those who depend upon me. It can be a thin line to walk, as I also don't wish to participate in any endeavors or efforts which go in a direction which seems diametrically opposed to my own compass, either.

It seems the best approach is the heathen one: I think of a series of concentric circles around me and make decisions this way. If it's best for my family and the people to whom I am beholden.... It's probably best.

Or.... Is it moral to continue participating in these bonds (outside of family, of course) while holding beliefs I know they'd hate me for?

It seems there are no easy answers here.

The other day, I referred to fighting sports and their restorative properties to mental health as “microdosing violence.” I think this is a very apt comparison. Our brains can fall out of calibration with regards to our anxieties and our “fight or flight” responses. Showing your brain what these states are actually for can help realign this and ease anxieties and restlessness in the rest of our lives.

When you regularly show physical aggression, your mind is clearer, your rest is more restful and you have an easier time staying present. When we lead extremely sedentary lives, our impulses don't know what to do and thus pull us in many directions, much to our detriment.

We are intended to experience physical aggression and struggle. The benefits of a fighting sport or martial art will show in every area of your life.

Few can feel so doomed as they: those born beneath a sun which flickers weak like candle's flame, whose life is nearly done.

A life beneath the glowing dust (for this remains of Day) is all there is for these poor souls until they pass away.

A beetle or a scrawny mouse to them must seem a feast, for scarce is now in darkness' gloom all other type of beast.

The ruins loom above them high where they have yet to fall, colossal towers of vanity: they are now empty, all.

One may wonder why indeed would life go on at all if all that life afforded there was Death's unyielding wall.

To them I'd say: 'tis always thus, and thus 'twill ever be: for Death awaits us all someday and comes for thee and me.

I feel so many ills of the soul can be cured or at least soothed by taking some time to be fully present in the current moment. Additionally, from presence comes acting with intention.

Presence can flow from a few places, prayer and meditation being perhaps the most lucrative.

If you make it a point to pray or meditate several times daily, in turn, you will be more present and act with more intention.

From this, better outcomes will flow.

Shame is not a useless emotion. Obviously, yes, it is true that some of us will feel shame when it is completely unwarranted. However, in general, it functions as a guardrail to keep us from tumbling off a cliff into oblivion. Sometimes it's fine to reach or even lean over a guardrail, but its presence ensures you don't fall to your doom. The guardrail also communicates to the less intrepid that a ledge exists here and allows them to avoid it better.

Yes, some guardrails are badly placed and get in the way, but don't let this lead you to rage against their very existence.

I'm currently sitting at my desk on a beautiful Friday morning, drinking my second cup of coffee, getting some work done, and listening to my podcast queue. I'm feeling pretty good, actually, despite the myriad reasons not to.

I'm not sure where this optimism has come from, but I won't complain.

The wokies have opened the door for fascism and they don't seem to be able to stop. When they concede more and more normalcy to “the far right” or “fascism,” they are doing immeasurable damage. To most normal people, it may soon seem that fascism is the only choice.

The only option in my opinion is to completely dissociate the left and even liberalism in general with much of the absolutely blatant nonsense baggage it has picked up in the last fifteen years or so. Otherwise it is a lost cause completely.

It seems today that there are as many models and definitions of morality as there are people. However, there seem to be a few that hold great sway over multitudes. There are obviously variations in them from person to person, and they seem very inconsistently applied, but I think this holds true.

Most people seem to subscribe to two sorts of moralities. There is the ubiquitous “do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone” which I will call the “artificially lax” model, and various flavors of “morality is what this holy book says it is” which I will call the “artificially rigid” model. I have issues with both I will outline here, but they both have their advantages as well as disadvantages.

The artificially rigid model has greater capacity to create community consensus and clear, context-independent boundaries of right and wrong that are simple and easily understood. To use my forest analogy from before, it is the equivalent of following the easiest and best-marked hiking path from point A to point B. Its disadvantages, however, are that it stifles individual freedoms in many cases (though one could successfully argue this may even be a good thing) and punishes even the most experienced hikers from deviating from the trail. It is easy mode and is perhaps best for the overwhelming majority of people.

The lax model, however, allows for great personal freedom, but can destroy attempts at community consensus, at least take to its extreme. One could say, though, that the overwhelming liberal moral hegemony on the internet from circa 2015 to 2020 is a good example of this model successfully creating a strong community consensus. However, this quickly broke down in the stress created by the pandemic in 2020, among other factors, whereas community consensus created by the rigid model tends to be very resilient to these types of stressful circumstances. In addition, encouraging deviation from the path will result in inexperienced hikers sustaining great injury. This can, of course, push people toward rigid models, which then push people toward lax models in an endless cycle.

I propose that the lax model works fine as long as one has a good definition of what hurts people. In fact, with a healthy definition of this, the lax model is possibly the most rigid one. If I'm playing a video game instead of spending time with my family, I am likely electing to hurt myself and others with this choice and therefore should not make it. If I am staying up late despite needing to be up early, I am making an immoral choice, as this will likely hurt me and the people who depend upon me.

In addition, one must have a healthy model of what the purpose of human life even is for this model to function well.

Given these parameters, the lax model is in fact the superior one, but most people are incapable of the level of thought required to navigate this. Those people should stay on the well-trodden path.

Quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi.

On the road to being a better person, you're gonna fuck up. You just can't let these fuckups (of various sizes) ruin everything. When you're in the heat of the moment, wrestling your worst demons, sometimes they will land a punch right in your fucking mouth. It WILL happen. What you can't do, however, is let that be the end of the fight. Keep pushing. Keep fighting. Push! Push! Push! Push like you're trying to push yourself out of sleep paralysis. Push like you've never pushed before!