The Barrow

So far in 2026 I've been attempting to work on my discipline and focus. Obviously we're only two days into the year at this point, but I've been having a lot of success so far, and have been seeing good results. Let's hope I can keep this up. I know I don't have many readers, but I encourage you to meditate on these things this year as well. Nobody is too disciplined or focused.

Regular meditation and prayer is very helpful for this. Return to your thoughts several times throughout the day and you will find it much easier to maintain your course. If it makes it easier, set timers on your phone or some other timekeeping device.

The key to these two things is largely to stay present and to not allow your thoughts to get swept away into the din of daily life. Try to stay in your higher self, and periodically allow the lower self out to feed. The middle self, the part of you that links the two, should really only serve this utilitarian function. It shouldn't be where you spend the bulk of your time.

Stop. Breathe. Think. Keep the higher self in control any way you can.

Recently, of all things, a video by TJ Kirk provoked some interesting thoughts in me. He lamented that the zeitgeist of the late 20th and early 21st centuries of breaking down and deconstruction of every commonly-accepted idea, social norm and institution simply for deconstruction's sake has left us in an emptier world, devoid of much meaning or direction, and that the deconstruction of these things has not brought satisfaction or happiness to those who advocated for deconstruction (this includes myself.)

This brings a few ideas to the forefront of my mind. Firstly, that corrosive, entropic and deconstructivist attitudes are, on their own, unsustainable. These are not good end goals. Corrosive material can be used for the sake of construction, in an alchemical sense, but are not ideals in and of themselves. A medical example of this would be how lactic acid destroys muscle tissue so that the body may build it back stronger. A good social example is how progressive discourse is constantly in need of more and deeper things to rail against. This started with very real problems in society, and has now devolved into such nonsense as can be seen in any comments section full of postmodernists attacking anything that is beautiful, strong, transcendent or good, advocating instead for entirely hedonistic and self-destructive lifestyles.

Secondly, it shows that we are about to experience a re-galvanization or rebuilding of society along different lines, which will likely be a painful, tumultuous time filled with much death and suffering. As whatever new society is born, the subversive elements of the old society which served to break it down will likely be purged from it or otherwise repurposed. This will not be good for many of us, including myself, but it seems inevitable.

Thirdly, it brings me to something I've been thinking for quite some time: the existence, on its own, of counterculture is evidence of a very sick social organism. This has been true of our society for centuries, really. In healthy, traditional societies, there is no counterculture. There is only one cohesive culture. Members of a healthy society are able to relate to each other naturally and by default.

Those of us inside European culture must look millenia into the past for truly healthy societies. We should look to these distant ancestors to see what this may look like.

Happy 2026.

Another year is nearly over. It's strange to think 2025 will soon be just as behind us as every other prior year.

This is a good time to reflect on presence and the passage of time in general, which ties back into Auld Lang Syne.

I'm sure we're all familiar with this song, but few realize how beautiful this poem by Robert Burns really is. If you don't pay attention, you'd never know, given how cliché it has become.

Maybe take a minute to be extra present tonight, for [old long since]?

Recently, especially amidst the hubbub around the new Odyssey film, (we'll see how it turns out) I have been thinking about what psychologists call a “commitment device.”

First, some context: in the Odyssey, Odysseus must tie himself to the mast of his ship in order to keep himself from steering into the rocks, toward the Sirens' beautiful song.

The idea is that to avoid doing something harmful, sometimes you must all but physically restrain yourself. A promise, an oath, something that binds you to your principles (perhaps also a New Year's resolution...).

Make use of these however is best. Sometimes you need to.

I've spent – possibly even wasted – so much of my life pondering time itself. This has been true since the moment I became cognizant of it. I remember as a toddler I had spent one morning watching The Smurfs, then later while eating breakfast, it occurred to me that while I was eating now, it felt just as much like now when I had been watching TV some moments prior. I've been obsessively pondering time ever since.

Despite this obsession, which has done little throughout my life but inspire despair, I have done badly in properly using my time and applying it to my goals. I wish I had come upon these realizations as a younger man at 16 instead of at 30. Nometheless, it is good I am cognizant of this now, as I can better take advantage of my (likely) remaining 40-some years.

I have made so much positive change over the past few years; this isn't to be discounted. However, I lament my not having realized all this earlier.

Oh well. Dwelling on this would be a bad use of my time.

Memento mori.

I spend a lot of time wondering if my ancestors would approve of me. This seems to largely depend on which ancestors we mean, though. I think you can tell a lot about someone based on which ancestor's approval means the most to them.

I tend to look to my most distant ancestors, while there are many who look to their closest ancestors, and those who don't care at all. I think these groupings sort people into three interesting camps. Most liberal-leaning folk either don't care or look only to some (especially recent) ancestors (only those who are approved of in liberal canon). Conservatives tend to look more broadly to the past few generations of ancestors, while the group of us who look to our most distant ancestors tends to be more diverse, though we likely fall into more traditionalist thought patterns (though maybe not exclusively).

I am something of a traditionalist but I think the modern strains of christianity that have pervaded the West since the Age of Reason are toxic and corrosive perversions of Tradition.

I think our ancient and even tribal ancestors likely had the most complete view of Tradition and its revealed truths. I think these ancestors would likely approve of many of my ideals but would consider me soft and weak. These are things for me to work on.

Sometimes, especially after a long period of inactivity, you really need to kick yourself in the ass to get moving. A kickstart can be helpful – where you force yourself to move in order to build lost momentum back up.

It's like riding a bike; when you stop, it's difficult to get moving again.

There was a girl long ago, who far beyond the sea shone so bright and beautiful, I couldn't help but see how desperately my soul called out for her loving embrace and to someday wake up daily to her smiling face.

With joyous outlook, high ideals and silver tongue, of course, this girl's heart I promptly won, then I became a source of pain, of lies, embarassment and every kind of wrong one can do to someone who has loved them for so long.

My heart will know this pain forever; it cannot be undone. For this I must renew myself and burn away the one, The man who callously repaid such endless love with pain. Perhaps some distant day I may deserve her love again.

I hate when routines and systems break down, or collapse, into listlessness and inactivity. When I skip the gym due to illness, for example, it seems like every other part of my routine collapses. Suddenly, it's 5 PM on Sunday and I haven't even showered yet. I hate this.

I really need to figure out some way to keep this from happening. Sheer discipline could do it, and I should try this approach first, but I think it may also behoove me to plan more rest and relaxation into my routine. This may alleviate the pressure and keep me from such catastrophic system failure.

Anyway, I need to shower now. That's step one.

If you died today, how would you feel about your life? Would you feel satisfied, or feel you had a great deal of unfinished business?

Of course we would all feel there were some things we missed out on, but through living correctly, perhaps we'd feel some comfort in knowing we had done our best with the time given to us.

It seems the answer to many questions is “always be prepared to die.” This appears to be the solution to fear and the best way to better your life, even.

Try to live as of Death is around the corner, because he is.